


Little Red Riding Enjolras

by Ren



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Alternate Universe - Fairy Tale, M/M, Rape/Non-con Elements, Sorry Not Sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-15
Updated: 2013-05-15
Packaged: 2017-12-12 00:05:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/804817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ren/pseuds/Ren
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A long time ago in a kingdom far far away there lived a little revolutionary boy named Enjolras. Enjolras always wore a little red riding hood, but everyone still called him Enjolras because Little Red Riding Hood is a stupid nickname.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Little Red Riding Enjolras

**Author's Note:**

> This happened because one night I read a fic in which Enjolras called Grantaire "Gran", and when I told Chibi we both reached the same logical conclusion. We then proceeded to tweet about Enjolras being Little Red Riding Hood while our tlist mourned our lost sanity. And then I wrote this down because it's too epic not to share with the world. ~~And to think I was hesitant about writing fic for Les Mis since I adore the canon.~~ Please don't judge me too much.

A long time ago in a kingdom far far away (it's France, in case it wasn't obvious) there lived a little revolutionary boy named Enjolras. Enjolras always wore a little red riding hood, but everyone still called him Enjolras because Little Red Riding Hood is a stupid nickname. (Not that Enjolras is much better.)

One day, tired of being oppressed by the monarchy, Enjolras decided to go visit his grandmother. His mother warned him about going into the forest, because there were dangerous creatures lurking there, but Enjolras sternly replied, "How typical of the bourgeoisie to feel threatened by the lower classes!" Then he filled his little basket with goodies for his grandmother, donned his red hood and went off.

In the forest, Enjolras met Grantaire. "Where are you going, o fearless leader?" Grantaire asked.

"I'm going to bring this basket of goods to my grandmother," said Enjolras.

"Oh," said Marius, who was just passing by on his way to his date with Cosette. "What a coincidence, I have a grandfather! I didn't know you had a grandmother."

"Citizen," said Enjolras, "my grandmother is the Republic."

Then Enjolras walked away, feeling thoroughly vexed by the stupidity of his friends, what with Grantaire being so drunk he had to hug a tree for support and Marius being Marius. But Grantaire wasn't too drunk to function yet, so he decided to follow Enjoras to his grandmother's house.

On the way Enjolras stopped to rally the people and give inspiring speeches and hand out pamphlets and whatnot, so Grantaire was the first to arrive at the grandmother's house. He knocked and knocked on the door, but there was no answer, because Granny France was out at Versailles having dinner with the king and didn't really care about the citizens.

So Grantaire let himself in by climbing into a window (not very gracefully because he was still drunk) and decided to wait for Enjolras. Also, since it seemed like a good idea at the time (did I mention he was drunk) he took off all of his clothes and jumped into bed, covering himself with the tricolor blanket.

After a while, Enjolras arrived, all happy because he'd given out all of his pamphlets.

"Good afternoon, Patria," Enjolras said, approaching the bed and taking a good look at his grandmother. All he could see was the top of a head and a pair of feet sticking out from the blanket. "What dark curls you have today, grandmother!" he said. "What big feet you have! And what's this smell of wine?"

"Er," said Grantaire, who hadn't really thought his disguise would work, but after all this was the man who would give a complete stranger the most vital job on the barricade, so why not. Grantaire peered at Enjolras from under the blanket. "It's for the good of the people?" he said tentatively. "And the revolution? Or some shit like that."

"Oh, ok then." (I told you he was gullible.) "I brought you some goodies," Enjolras said, giving his basket to Grantaire, who grabbed it with grabby hands and opened it, expecting to find food or maybe even wine. Instead, the basket was filled with cockades and french flags and guns, because what else could you find in Enjolras's basket.

Grantaire considered this for a while, then shrugged. "Next time you should bring condoms too," he said and then he jumped Enjolras.

This would be the point where someone comes to rescue the hero from the clutches of the wolf, but alas that day huntsman Javert was off hunting Jean Valjean (like he did every single day of his life), and Jean Valjean was off stalking Cosette and making sure she was safe, and Cosette was on her date with Marius and they were singing a saccharine duet with a chorus of birds and little animals of the forest.

(Cosette and Marius were singing. Not Valjean and Javert. All right, Valjean and Javert were probably singing too.)

Anyway, due to those adverse circumstances, nobody came to save Enjolras and so Grantaire took him and his virginity.

THE END.


End file.
